Strictly 2013: Who Will Win?

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After weeks filled with tottering lifts, shonky footwork, stuttering jokes and creaky singers, it all comes down to tonight on Strictly Come Dancing and the first ever all-female final. Let me hear you say Girl Power! Somebody wheel out Geri Halliwell! Yeah! But who will triumph and hoist the shiny glass trophy aloft and who will be left crumpled on the floor, a watery heap of sequins and chiffon? It’s all to dance for…

But you already know who you want to win, right? Course you do. And it’s not Natalie is it? No siree, because she’s this year’s Denise Van Outen. So then it’s down to the other three – and noboby wants Susannah to win because that would be just clod-hoppingly silly, even if it would be lovely to see Kevin From Grimsby grinning like a goon.

So Abby or Sophie? Sophie or Abby? It’s tricky to choose. In Abby’s corner, she’s part of the best-looking couple in Strictly history, her and Aljaz a heady gloop of legs, twinkly eyes and taut bodies. She can dance a bit too. In Sophie’s corner, we’ve got her legend mum Janet, her pleasingly prickly partner Brendan who always looks as if he wants to commit murder on the dancefloor (see what I did there?) and Sophie herself, a whirlwind of grace and wonky beauty. Plus, the girl can move.

So like Natalie Imbruglia, I’m torn. Sophie or Abby? I don’t really mind. So long as it’s not Natalie because she’s just too perfect and frankly I’m bored of seeing Artem’s waxed chest. Put it away Artem. And as for you Susannah Reid, less of the gurning face.

Let’s hope Bruce gets a dose of flu just before the final and has to be replaced by Claudia Winkleman (a girl can dream). But most of all, I’m looking forward to some seamless dancing, flowing gowns, silky shirts and twinkly hair.

This series has been a treat to watch with some fabulous dancers and some comically assasinated songs, courtesy of Dave Arch and his wobbly singers. Still, whoever wins tonight is all well and good. They might walk away with the glitterball trophy, but we all know that the real winner of Strictly 2013 has been Kevin From Grimsby.

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