World Cup 2014: Who To Support Next?

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As England left the pitch last night after their near-perfect display of mistimed tackles, flapping about and poor first touches, I got to thinking about who I should support now. After all, it’s still the World Cup and I still spent a good chunk of last night cheering on Japan, safe in the knowledge that Columbia were through so nobody was going to get shot. Bitten maybe, but not shot. So now England have limped out, who to support next? For me, it’s all about the players left, who has the best food and where you’ve had the best time…

My first thought was Holland, who strutted out of their group with nine points in their orange swag bag. In their favour, they’ve got Arjen Robben who looks like a bank manager but doesn’t shoot like one; and they’ve got Nigel De Jong, who if all else fails can karate kick his way out of trouble. But the thing is, they’ve also got Robin Van Persie. And I simply can’t support a team that contains RVP. So that’s the Dutch out.

My wife then suggested France. I curled my lip. France. Look, I’ve had a great time in Paris before. I really have. I love their garlic mash, their crepes, their bloody steaks. And they’ve got the Tottenham goalie Loris in their ranks. Really, I should be supporting the French. But… they’re French. Plus, I still haven’t forgiven them for that French exchange week I endured when I was 13.

Like most people, I want to win, so then I turned to Argentina. They haven’t been playing well, but they’ve got Messi and they can only get better, right? Plus, I love a good Malbec with a juicy steak. Same goes for Germany, who we all know will reach the semis at least and have a great chance of winning. I like Germany, I love its cities and countryside, I love its beer. But because it feels like Argentina and Germany knock England out of tournaments for fun, dare I do it and risk the rath of all around me?

If not, there’s always Belguim. They’ve got a Spurs player in Moussa Dembele and everyone’s tipping them: bound to go out in the next round then. And what about Brazil? Sunshine nation, sunshine kit, Neymar’s comedy 80s hair and Tottenham’s Paulinho. Ultimately though, I think my next choice team will be Mexico. I just went on honeymoon there, so for me it’s still bathed in sun, love, margaritas & tacos to die for. Mexico it is then: until they get knocked out, anyway. Then, of course, it’s Germany all the way…

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