Today, I thought I’d do a little blog about me. 25 things about me to be precise. Things you might not know about me, things that make up the very core of who I am. Ready?
Never in my life have I licked a steak knife. It’s a mantra I intend to carry on living by.
When I was five I had lofty ambitions – I wanted to deliver milk. I had my own toy milk float and I used to deliver plastic bottles of milk to my neighbours. My nextdoor neighbour Jim even built a ramp up to his front door so that me and his daughter could deliver the milk without getting off the float. Nice guy, that Jim.
In my previous life as a music journalist, I interviewed Bruno Mars three times. I can confirm he’s pretty short, but also unfailingly polite. And yes, he always wears that hat.
I first stumbled across lesbian fiction while staying in a hostel in Christchurch, New Zealand. They had a book in their communal library, and I was amazed – finally, stories I could actually relate to. Can I remember who it was by and what it was called? No idea at all.
In the next ten years, I would like to live elsewhere in Europe for a while. Maybe Spain or France? But definitely somewhere with more sunshine hours than the UK.
I’ve always been a pop tart and was utterly bereft when Take That split up in the 90s. I took the recent One Direction split way better, proving a certain maturity on my part. Still waiting for Justin Bieber to split up, mind.
If I was a boy my parents were going to call me Philip – they were also considering Judith for a girl, which would have been way cooler than Clare. Hey, Jude!
I’ve recently started baking, whipping up banana bread, rock cakes and even sourdough bread. I am more Hemel Hempstead than Hollywood, but I try my best.
Life has taught me never to drink more than three shots of tequila in a row, even if they’re free. They’re still full of tequila.
If you visit my hometown of Southend, I suggest you walk down the pier because it’s the longest in the world at one mile and a third. There is a train that goes up and down it for lazy people, but it only takes 30 minutes to walk it. 45 if you’re really slow. There’s a shop at the end and everything.
My karaoke songs are Teenage Dirtbag and Footloose. I do like a crowd-pleaser. And I don’t share the mic, so please don’t ask.
What would I put in my room 101? Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Pink wine. Coldplay. Offal. Chelsea FC. Pink fizzy wine. Goat’s Cheese. Maroon 5. Parsley. Crocs. Especially Crocs. Enough with the Crocs.
I’m famed for my eggs: boiled, scrambled or poached, mine all rock. Not fried though – I don’t do fried eggs.
I am an obsessive cleaner, usually when I’m meant to be doing something else. If I have a deadline, my bathroom will sparkle before any writing gets done.
As I get older, I find I’m more emotional. I cry way more easily these days, usually at something stupid on the TV.
I am the youngest of 8 children, and I have 19 nieces & nephews, 10 great-nieces & nephews. Add to that over 40 cousins plus aunts & uncles, and it means I’m never short of Christmas cards.
In my life, I’ve lived in Essex, London, Somerset, Derbyshire, Staffordshire, Yorkshire and Lancashire.
I once had a Saturday job demonstrating talking Cabbage Patch Dolls. For three consecutive Saturdays I sat these dolls on my lap and spoke to them. They spoke gibberish back to me. It was good training for my later relationships with women.
In the last seven years, I’ve taken up running and nobody is more surprised about this than me. What’s next? Jam-making and yoga?
I believe I was born gay gay gay. Yes that’s triple-gay as opposed to just normal standard gay.
If I die, please play Barry Manilow’s Copacabana at my funeral.
I am stupidly obsessed with the fortunes of Tottenham Hotspur FC, even though I know they’re all a bunch of over-paid eejits. I try to stop caring, but I just can’t.
London is my favourite city in the whole wide world. I heart it. I also love Auckland, Norwich, Kuala Lumpar, New York and Vancouver.
I worked as a journalist and editor for years before taking the leap and becoming a lesbian fiction author. Getting to write books is thrilling, and my next one is due out before the end of the year. Watch this space!