Election Anthems 2010


In one of the most unpredictable election contests in our lifetime, yet another twist has been thrust into the mix which includes Right Said Fred piping up with a Lib Dem anthem – we kid you not. Comedian Danny Robins has been tasked by Newsnight to come up with three party anthems for the big day, and he went about recruiting the best in the business – but when they weren’t available, he settled for Hadouken!, Right Said Fred and Nu Brand. To be fair, Hadouken! have conjured up a tune with their tongue firmly in cheek with a Labour anthem entitled Things Can Only Get Worse – what the others have in store is yet to be revealed. But we thought before that, we’d come up with some appropriate anthems of our own…

Continue reading » “Election Anthems 2010”


Top Five Musical Resurrections


You’re nobody if you haven’t made a comeback: Blur and Spandau Ballet did it last year and last week, Suede made a pretty convincing case for theirs at the Royal Albert Hall. Plus, with Easter closing in on us this weekend, what better time is there to round up our ultimate music comebacks? Because let’s face it, Jesus is the ultimate comeback kid – if only he’d managed to churn out some rock’n’roll in between rolling rocks and rising again then he too would be included on this list. But he didn’t, so he’s not. Rather, here we’re going to round up our favourite five comebacks of recent years…

Continue reading » “Top Five Musical Resurrections”


The Katy Perry Debate


This post was written in August 2008 before Perry had become mega-famous and smitten with Mr Brand…

This week’s No.1 record in the UK official charts is Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl”. Apparently, what with Katy being a girl and all, this is a bit risqué – but as she says in the song, so long as her boyfriend doesn’t mind (I’m guessing that he doesn’t so long as there’s a video to watch), then everything’s OK…

Continue reading » “The Katy Perry Debate”


The Brits 2010 – Live Blog!


More...Evening all! It’s nearly time for THE BRITS 2010, 30th Anniversary Edition! I said that in that voice they use on the X Factor you know. I hope you got that through my typing intonation. Right then, my predictions for tonight (which are bound to be right, obviously):

1 – Lady GaGa to be a bit ker-rayzee and scoop a ton of metal.

2 – JLS to sing slightly out of tune but be lovable all the same.

3 – Take That and Robbie to announce their reunion.

4 – Robbie to do that annoying smirk to camera about once every five seconds.

5 – People to get really rather drunky-wunk.

Let’s go to the red carpet shall we where it’s slashing down…

Continue reading » “The Brits 2010 – Live Blog!”


Swine! flu


So it turns out that 100,000 people think they have swine flu, according to new government figures – and after contracting a runny nose and sore throat, turns out I’m now one of them. But rather than take a trip to my local doctor’s surgery – a low-rise 70s building filled with all manner of lifeform, only some of them human – I thought I’d consult the new swine flu website that’s been set up recently.
Continue reading » “Swine! flu”


Going To The Zoo, Zoo, Zoo. How about you?


If I had to list a top ten of days out, you can bet my arse and those of at least ten others that going to the zoo wouldn’t be at the top of my list. I see animals as mainly serving two purposes in life: food and for being dressed up in high heels for those comedy greetings cards. Shots of guinea pigs shot-putting always raise a smile too. But the thought of walking around gawping at animals, then gawping at more seems somewhat futile. Plus, I’m a big scaredy-cat, so if a rabbit so much as moves its paw in my direction, I might faint.
So when the love of my life told me that she wanted to go to the zoo for her birthday, I had to swallow my first reaction whole and attempt to look enthused. She didn’t buy it, but at least she knew I cared. And I agreed to go to the zoo – after all, this is her day and it’s my duty to accompany her.

Continue reading » “Going To The Zoo, Zoo, Zoo. How about you?”


Me, me, me!


Evening then. Welcome to my new website, resplendent in red and black like a freshly laundered hooker. Let me set the scene for you. I’m sitting in my lounge, Scrubs is on the telly, the clouds outside are apathetically grey and there’s a crow sitting on the fence that keeps tilting its head at me. When I say sitting on the fence, I literally mean that – it’s not an indecisive crow.
Anyhow, for my first post I’ve decided to complete a bunch of sentences for your amusement. Here goes… Continue reading » “Me, me, me!”