Top Ten Scariest Things Ever


Just in time for Halloween, I thought it was time to list the top ten things in life that make my knees chatter and keep me awake at night. And there’s not even a mention of Katie Hopkins among them…

10. That moment when you bite into a strangely crunchy fig and discover only half a beetle.

9. Woolwich. The place, not the building society.

8. The fact that running for 45 minutes only burns two Mars Bars’ worth of calories. Two.

7. Ding-dong. “Hi, we’re your new neighbours – I’m Kim and this is Kanye…”

6. Russia.

5. The fact that texting still works when you’re drunk. Someone should sort that shit out.

4. Wayne & Colleen might keep reproducing children beginning with K.

3. The amount of space taken up in my brain by James Blunt lyrics. Look, it just happened.

2. Iceland’s Doner Kebab pizza.

1. Gary Barlow’s upcoming album. Mark my words.

Like this list? Check out Ten Reasons You Know You’re Getting Old…