I’m getting married in ten days. Ten. Fucking. Days. So, to share how I’m feeling with you at this juncture, I thought I’d write a Top Ten Wedding Worries for you. Obviously, the rational part of me knows that 95% of what we worry about is completely unnecessary to worry about, but that doesn’t stop me worrying anyway, okay? When I was born, the nurse held me up and said: “Congratulations, it’s a worrier!” Here goes…
10 – Will anyone turn up?
I really do worry about this. But then, the rational part of me says that we’re giving our guests free food and drink. Only then do I realise we’re golden.
9 – Will everyone be on time?
You know how it is. Saturday morning, you’re watching James Martin on Saturday Kitchen, you think you’ve got plenty of time and then BAM! It’s 2pm and you’ve missed the wedding. Oops!
8. Will the hotel’s hairdryer make my hair go crazy?
I’ve had meltdowns for less. And yes, my girlfriend’s still marrying me.
7. Will it pour with rain?
Like, biblical rain, where our cab can’t pull up anywhere near the registry office because water is sloshing down the steps and seeping through the cab windows. 60/40 I’d say.
6. Will the ceremony be any more scary than going to a wedding fair?
Have you been to a wedding fair? Honestly, it can’t possibly be.
5. Will I vomit with fear just before the doors open?
Probably. But I can always swallow it back down.
4. Will I remember how to walk up the aisle?
I’m going to spend Friday night practising how to walk. Quite a lot.
3. Will I start giggling inappropriately during the vows?
I’m going to try my very hardest not to.
2. Will the DJ play Coldplay & U2 all night?
He better not, otherwise there will be a heist.
1. Will I enjoy the day?
Deep down, I know that the answer to this is yes because I have friends & family around me and I’m marrying the love of my life. Plus, the reception’s in a pub. Score!
Check back in a few weeks and I’ll let you know the outcome. Meanwhile, I’m off to practise walking without falling over…
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